Girl Interrupted

Thursday, December 01, 2005

[+/-] Warm fuzzies

Update: I dub thee... Operation Warm Fuzzy (OWF) - why does Psychomuffin get all the fun, having stuff like Operation Masking Tape, and Operation Bench Press?

I've been thinking long and hard about what I want to get out of my life (as opposed to just drifting along) - mostly due to Pychomuffin's broodiness (I swear, it must be contagious or something), and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (by Steven Covey).

So far, I have come up with: be a better person. That's it really. It may not sound like much, but actually, it is. I want people to be genuinely sorry when I die (I know, I know - I think I need to up the dosage of my anti-depressants!). I mean, whoever lay on their death bed and said "I wish I had played more Morrowind", or "I wish I had blogged more" or "I wish I had spent more time on the internet"?

Even worse, what if someone I love dies - what kind of regrets will I have? I know for a fact, right now, I would regret not giving my mom all the support and attention she deserves. Like giving her my full attention when she comes home from work, to complain about her day.

Its just hard, you know, because she is so desperately unhappy at work, and I don't remember a single day since I was, I dunno, about 5 years old, when she hasn't come home from work and complained about her day. But, lets not get into the whys and wherefores of this situation - we were talking about my reaction to it, not why it exists in the first place. I kind of sit there reading my book or doing whatever on the computer (or worse, watching TV, and actually shushing her because I can't hear). I nod, and make appropriate noises (as all women are innately skilled in doing), but I'm not really listening. Sometimes (I think most times), she knows it. I think my mom must be the loneliest person in the world. Even with her daughter and her daughter's SO living in the same house, I think she must be desperately lonely.

How guilty do I feel right now!! Time to change this, I think. Time to stop being selfish, and start showing how much I care for the people around me - its not "obvious" and even if it were, people need to feel appreciated. Time to break free of the inconsiderateness that being an only child instills in a person, and start giving more warm fuzzies to people.

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