Girl Interrupted

Thursday, November 03, 2005

[+/-] Venutians rule, Martians drool

Why is that women are...
    always willing to change, but men aren't? I'm reading John Gray's Mars/Venus series, and trying to tell J this and that little juicy tit-bit information, and he gets so threatened by the whole concept!

    He gets so uptight and defensive, moaning about why is it that men always have to change to please women but never the other way round. Balls! Women change their behaviour all the time, they just don't make a big fuss about it, like babies! All I ask is that he tries to put some of this information into practice. Is that so hard? Like, for example, the Venutian way of apologising (which I have explained), or anything! I try as much as possible to give him "cave" time, and to appreciate him more, and I've offered him Fast Food Sex whenever he wants, and I am very clear and hint-free about my needs ("J, I need a Venutian moment here, I need to talk about something, and I just need you to grunt appropriately"), but apart from the grunting, he doesn't seem to care. How is that fair!

Filed as: My Relationship ยป
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  • At Fri Nov 04, 04:19:00 pm GMT+2, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Walk a mile in a martian's shoes then come to to da martians


  • At Tue Nov 08, 12:19:00 am GMT+2, Anonymous Mel Reynolds said…

    Just another Martian's take on this: Mars is a 2 dimensional binary planet - yes/no, true/false, something/nothing - no degree and no depth. Martians do appreciate Venutian understanding of this concept and it's interaction requirements like clear and hint-free communication. So when you say "...I just need you to grunt appropriately", that is the clearly defined requirement. If it was so hint-free, why do you expect more?

    And yes, we do get defensive about this simply because we want to avoid misleading you into the impression that changing us into semi-Venutians is a) possible or b) a good idea.

    Generally speaking, Martians have made peace with the fact that they will never understand Venutians or why they do what they do, so we try to accept them for who they are and embrace them as such. Try the same - it's oddly rewarding (as I'm sure you have realized with the cave time, etc).

    "Fair" only applies when you're negotiating on neutral turf - expecting a Martian to stand his ground on Venus - that's hardly fair.


  • At Tue Nov 08, 09:30:00 pm GMT+2, Blogger dreamweaver said…

    Ok, you got me there - even though I have given my Martian a clear and simple job description ("grunting, etc"), it's the act of showing initiative on the job that's going to earn him the promotion sooner than he expected it.

    I guess Venutians feel that once the requests have been made (eg, when I say this and that, grunt and nod and all will be good), they shouldn't have to keep repeating these requests. It lowers our respect for you Martians - like, what, you can't remember this each time? We have to continually remind you what we need once we've already said it? Come on! You guys are not goldfish!!? I'm with a Martian because I want a Martian, not a child... I didn't enter this relationship with the understanding that I would become a substitute mother...

    But again, you are totally right - many Venutians think trying to change their Martian is going to make them happy, which it's not, and I agree - its a bad idea.

    As for turf, we are on neutral territory - Earth. I have given up much of my ground for my Martian, and to be completely fair, he has given a lot for me. But I want more. I want him to be at peace with the fact that Martians and Venutians are different, neither of us will change the way we behave about certain things, but there can be compromises in other areas.


  • At Wed Nov 09, 12:50:00 am GMT+2, Anonymous Mal Reynolds said…

    I guess "goldfish" is not quite fair, but we do need a subtle (yet clearly defined) reminder from time to time. It's the way we work - just like Venusians need a little attention and the odd compliment to remain pleasant, we need little reminders to keep on track. They work much like caffeine.

    Your Martian is a fortunate one - you seem like a Venusian who tries to understand, and those are rare.

    May I suggest though that you keep in mind while losing respect for the Martian who does not score every time that Venusians to tend to move the goal posts quite frequently and erratically.

    I agree that you should not be the substitute mother - no good can come from that and it is somewhat insulting to any self-respecting cave-Martian. A Martian will only be as much a child as a Venusian mothers him. If you treat him like the cave-Martian he was born to be, I'm quite sure that he will rise to the occasion.

    Anywho, enough lecturing from a perfect stranger. I feel that I'm starting to interfere in business that is none of mine.

    Nice blog - entertaining reading.


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