Girl Interrupted

Friday, September 02, 2005

[+/-] Arg, fucking smart-arse!

James, right now, is annoying the shit out of me!

We are doing stats, right, and the two of us think in vastly different ways to get to the same answers. James thinks in terms of equations (P(AB) = P(A).P(B)), while I think in terms of Venn diagrams, boolean logic, and physical examples (cats and dogs). We get to the same answers, just very differently.

So why is he irritating me?

Cause almost *EVERY* time I have turned to him and said "Is what I am doing here correct?" he says "No" and proceeds to explain it to me in *his* was of thinking (ie equations), getting me hopelessly lost, and then it turns out after all that my way of doing it was just as valid, and not at all wrong after all.

OR he tells me X when meanwhile its Y, and when I challenge him on that later he says oh, I misunderstood you, its Y, when I have spent like an hour trying to figure out where I supposedly went wrong in the first place!

ARG!!!

I think I should just stop asking him! Fucking fuckwit! I mean, I got 89% for Statistics 101 anyway, and how many times did he fail it?

If I was a more unreasonable person, I might be tempted to think that he is deliberately trying to sabotage me, so that he can feel cleverer and stay ahead of me, so that I am dependent on him for explanations...

Fuck that shit and shit!

Of course, he does this to me in Linux and other areas too - telling me one thing, then revising his opinion later.

Being reasonable, I am sure he is not being malicious (not consciously, anyway). He is probably just not paying attention to me and what the actual problem is.

Which brings me to another point. I feel like James is not paying attention to me properly. He pays more attention to his laptop and to computer games than to me. Is this what I get for being with a computer geek? Should I just resign myself to the fact that this is what computer geeks are like? God forbid I be needy, you know? I don't want to be a whiney needy person, but at the same time, I am feeling very taken for granted right now. We hardly ever talk about meaningful things these days... its all small talk.

:(

Oh god, here we go... now the flood gates have opened. Ok, so I'm actually really angry with James because he moaned at me a while ago that I bottle things up inside and don't talk to him about whatevers bothering me. He said this, I believe, not out of concern for me, cause its not healthy to bottle things up, but out of concern for him, because he is hint-proof and can't pick up on subtle signals when things are wrong. Ok, fine, he's a guy and a lot of guys are like this, but now when I do try and talk to him, he just sort of grunts, says "Thats interesting" (or some such non-committal comment), and WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM! to go and play more computer games.

Basically, what it all boils down to now, is when we first met, he treated me like a goddess. Now, he treats me like a fuck-buddy. How can you be with a person for two years and still feel lonely?

Filed as: My Relationship »
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