I've had enough - I went to my doctor today. I took 5 Calmettes before, but it didn't help. This whole speech I had planned went out the window. Snot en trane... but anyway. Besides telling the doc (through sniffles and sobs) that I am feeling moody, irritable, irrationally emotional, that I have panic attacks every day, that I fantasize about suicide daily (well, I didn't get that far in my story to her, but I do, you know), that I can't motivate myself, I can't concentrate, etc etc etc... I filled in this questionaire thingy. The scores go as follows:
> 50% - normal
50-59% - Minimal to mild depression
60-69% - Moderate to marked depression
70% < - Severe to extreme depression Guess what I scored? 76.25% Well... That's just great. Woo hoo. The fabulous thing about this (note: heavy sarcasm)? My significant other doesn't believe in proper good ole clinical depression. When I tried to talk about this earlier, it was dismissed as "just stress". I know there's a cause, a trigger, a reason behind all this - that doesn't make what I'm feeling any less significant to me. Trigger or not, thats irrelevant I think he just doesn't actually know how to deal with it either. It reinforces the stupid idea that I have of needing to be not needy - I don't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he already is. I don't think he can deal with me being emotionally needy. (Of course, I can write all this without fear that he will ever read this, because, although he has this blog address, I know he won't ever check back here). I suppose it doesn't matter now... I have medication. Yay, give me more drugs. But frankly, at the moment, I would rather go the pharmacotherapy route than the psychotherapy route...

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